Okay, I’m ready to get a little more personal.
I know, it has taken me a while. But, if I had jumped right in, well that would have been an unnatural push for me (Scorpio Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Scorpio Rising). For while I am obsessed with connecting, I am more passionate, more interested, in DEEP intense, interpersonal connection than (I guess you could say) today’s form of “social connection.” Especially since the birth of my daughter Edyn, almost one year ago, I find myself more contracted into my personal world, in a dark Moon phase of my life, apathetic to the world of social media. If I could coin my feeling with a phrase, it would be, “I just can’t be bothered,” (in an English accent)! Which, I know, is fine. And yes, it could be just a phase. But, because I personally am not deeply IN or into the world of social media, I have felt like I am not doing what I SHOULD be doing to contribute to greater connectivity in our world. My mind has been annoyingly saying, “Well, if you really were passionate about alignment and connection Allison, you would want to share yourself, your journey with the masses. You would want to serve as inspiration. You would make time to get on social media, every day, and share your story.” I mean, as Alee talked about last third quarter, being an “influencer” is literally a job; being liked, shared, and streamed has seemingly become the gauge for impact.
And I know, a reluctance to participate in social media is odd in today’s world, and especially since I am co-creator of Moonlit, the app that beckons people to connect to Nature (meaning you, humanity, our planet and all that is) using the avenue of your cell phone and options for extra connection through social media. But here is the key, the role of the Moonlit app is to be a channel to which you connect through. A starting place. The channel is not meant to be a permanent fixture in your life (for forever)…in fact, in truth, we pray that one day our mission is complete, and every individual on this planet understands in their body, mind and spirit that they are divinely placed, whole, needed and CONNECTED to all that is. We pray that awareness becomes the typical daily medicine. Rituals, the way of life. That we look at the Sun, the Moon, the cycles of Nature as intensely as we look into our phones. We pray that we all may remember who we truly are and live out our unique purpose on this planet- for that is when the song of all life will be in beautiful harmony.
THAT is actually our mission, that one day our app, Moonlit, becomes redundant because human life is literally LIT!
That said, I want to point out that I do NOT believe that a LIT society is a technology free one. Instead, I believe that technology plays an important role for us all, as it offers us quick access to information, ways to learn, to share and grow. For some people, technology, social media, all the jazz, is their absolute jam. It is their way to reach out, be heard and connect. You could say they are in a Full Moon phase of life. And that is beautiful, and needed, just as a bright full moon! (side note: Business’ love and need these folks!!) With that said, for many others, social media plays less of a role in their lives. And some, don’t care to participate at all. But, what I am here to tell you is that each variation of inclination is right, and necessary, IF it is true to who you are. Participate, or don’t… your impact is felt on our planet.
And this brings me back to the purpose of this post, the reason why I felt it was time to get more personal.
Since my early twenties, part of my daily prayer has been the following: “God, thank you for the gift that is my life, for letting me be a “tool of good” in your world.” Literally, at some moment in every day, I have prayed these words. And for the last ten years or so, I have phased and grown through the power of this prayer. I have committed myself to staying in tune with Nature, as it is ME. And as Nature moved, I too experienced periods of sweet ease coupled with lengths of discomfort. Looking back, I can visualize the ebb and flow of my growth, like the Moon herself. And as a look back, I feel incredibly grateful because I know that through responding to God’s (enter your loving power here) unfolding of my life, my presence served as a positive impact on this planet. Details here would get entirely too long. So, I will spare you. But, truly, for most of my adult life, I have been able to identify how the instrument of my dharma (my life’s purpose) was playing out in the world’s song.
Yet, lately, I’d say in this zodiacal cycle, I have spent hours questioning the evolution of my dharma and the impact of my presence right now. I have been feeling less involved, maybe even less integral, simply because I haven’t felt like participating in the layered world of social media. I feel quiet. Happily quiet. And while my silence, this phase of digestion, has been very nourishing, it has allotted me space for much self-inquiry. And in truth, a lot of insecurities bubbled up. Chitter chatter of my mind brought to surface questions of “enoughness”. “Am I enough?” Comparison. “He/she is putting their story out there, and positively impacting people’s lives. I don’t want to be that kind of out there right now. Do I have to be to be of service?” Judgement. “I should do more.” And these feelings have propelled me to look longingly at the impact of my past, wanting to somehow bring the old “impactful, traveling feeling me” into the present me.
And these self criticisms and longings have REALLY been bothering me. While I have felt that a shift is happening FOR me, I’ve also felt irked, like an itch that I can’t scratch. But, let me tell you, while annoyed, I couldn’t be more grateful for the self-inquiry. Why? Well, through deep self work with my teacher, Jessica Patterson, I have been reminded that the mind likes to get LOUDER, to grip on, before it releases. Further, with her guidance, I have been empowered to remain steadfast, to to bring these questions and desires into the light of my self-study (svādhyāya) instead of shoveling them under the rug of my subconscious.
As Jessica says, “What if the mind is, in fact, a tool of the heart?”
So, I have been working with this idea, that these questions coming up are my heart telling me to look deeper within, to resolve the ways I am participating in the conditions, dogmas and barriers I have buried within. Through daily ritual, I have been lighting the alter of my heart, vowing to listen and respond.
And here is what has come up for me; what I am working with now.
Today’s society is wildly different than even that of ten years ago. This WE ALL KNOW. I mean everyone talks about the game changer that is the technological age, and how it has constructed new norms over the past few years. Centuries ago it was books and songs, then it was plays, then movies, then television shows and now social media. You get me.
Anyways, what I have been reminding myself of these past few months, as insecurities would arise, is that these forms of connection, while beautiful, are simply places of heightened attention. They are not the whole story. Of course, you know this. But, I bring it to attention because so often, we see photos, stories, TedEX lectures and wisdom being shared on these forums and because our focused is placed there, we fall into the trap of believing that ALL stories of impact are shared on these avenues. Which is simply NOT the case.
I myself know that in the many times I have scrolled Instagram or watched a Tedex stream, and had a thought of self worthlessness or ineptitude creep in. I have allowed myself to unconsciously believe that because my impact is not being shared on a grand scale, on the heightened social scale, that it is not important. Over time, I know those thoughts have added up. This addition, I know, is why my mind has been creating these questions for me lately.
But, as I said, recently, I have been paying keen attention. I have been really working to bring to light these thoughts as they come up. Through full moon rituals, I have offered up these barriers into the fire of my heart and manifested breaking through them with each new moon ceremony.
Then, just the other day, my efforts came into fruition and feeling of understanding rushed over me. It happened through a number of divinely coordinated events, along with my determination to stay focused and aware of the thoughts and feelings I was having. Stories of death and life played their roles. And, yes, it was intense. But now, I get why my heart has been calling upon my mind. My heart has been encouraging me to break through the barriers I was holding on to; to truly understand that I positively impact our planet by the countless choices I make each day. That by being who I truly am, and following my own inner guide, I am the tool of good that I want to be in this world. My heart was reminding me that my service does not need to fit into ANY societal norm to be of value. It can, but doesn’t have to be technologically spread to be impactful, to be value, for I am of inherent value. Further, while today’s world IS very different than that of yester-year, it is also VERY much the same. How so? Well, stories of positive impact happen every single second. Every single second. Yes, some are shared through the news or social media, but most are not. Hear that? MOST are not.
And while we should all applaud those whose positive impacts are seen and shared, I truly feel that we should take time, each day to give thanks to all the unseen positive impacts that we experience. Truly, we each receive anonymous gifts each day, whether it be from the individual whose dharma is kindness, whose web of thoughtfulness touched us. Or from the individual whose purpose on this planet is to bring light to what is dark, exposing inhumanities in our world. Or from the individual whose dharma is to bridge cultures; another who dedicates their life to education, to feeding the hungry, to creating community or poetry, to protecting nature, to connecting…. all the things. What is important here, is that we all have a dharma, a purpose we are called to live out! At times, our dharma will need to be seen as bright as the full moon, while at other times, our silence, a new moon phase of life, to digest and nurture our soul is our purpose. And of course, all the phases in between. So, take this as my personal message to remind you, as I needed the reminder myself, that your impact doesn’t have to be seen by masses to be of value. YOU are of value. You impact our beautiful world through every single decision you make, through your sheer presence. What you do MATTERS. It is of pure, equal value to that of those shared. All you need to do is TRUST the unfolding of your life…understand in your body, mind and spirit that your true way, is the right way…. AND is absolutely necessary. So keep doing what you FEEL inclined to. Keep living out your dharma and be DAMN proud of it, in however it manifests over the phases of your life. Keep being YOU.
In earnest love,